Pro Wrestling Smackdown: CM Punk Says “Where oh where are my WWE ice cream bars”

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW

Date: September 12, 2011

Location: Ottawa, Ontario (Canada)

(Triple H and CM Punk are in the ring for their final showdown before their Night of Champions match.)

CM Punk: Well here we are Hunter. The big final showdown between me and you. I don’t want to speak for you but I’m fascinated at the fact that the entire world is watching and they’re waiting and they’re wondering exactly what you and me are gonna say to each other. So if you don’t mind, I’ll go ahead…I’ll start. I respect you. I especially respect you for last week doing what needed to be done and you fired that charisma vacuum and ratings killer Kevin Nash. But just because I respect you, doesn’t mean I like you. And I know that doesn’t matter to you because you don't like me. I’ve known that since day one and I know that because people like to talk. People tell me all the horrible little things you say behind my back. I also know this because I’m a great judge of character and I can tell it’s all over your face. Every time me and you were in a room together, when we share a ring together, anytime we have to have a conversation, your skin just crawls. You don’t like me. I think when I first got here, you referred to me as a pompous undersized internet darling that couldn’t hang with the likes of the mighty Triple H.

Triple H: Alright, that’s changed a little bit.

CM Punk: That’s the problem. That’s the problem. The fact that your perception of me has only changed a little bit. That’s not good enough. Just like it’s not good enough that nothing around here has changed after you basically fired Vince McMahon and became the leader of the WWE. You’re just as bad as Vince McMahon with your little suit and your pants that probably don’t have a back pocket for some weird reason. You’re just like him. Okay, you stand still and let all of this pass you by. You both share the same opinions and philosophies that a guy who looks like me doesn’t belong in a ring with somebody who looks like you. The big thing that infuriates me is for years now you’ve both had this weird bodybuilder fetish/fantasy about what a main event superstar needs to look like. And based on that, guys who don’t fit your image or more importantly guys that do fit your image are afforded ten times the opportunities…

Triple H: (interrupting CM Punk) Oh my God. Jesus…is this…this is it? This is what you’ve got huh? The bodybuilder thing—that’s what you’re gonna blame it all on? Let me drop a few names on ya. Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley, Bret Hart, Rey Mysterio—some of the biggest superstars in the history of the WWE. I’ll go out on a limb and say bodybuilder is not gonna be used to describe any of those gentlemen.

CM Punk: Oh so you’re gonna deny to me and all these people right now that this mindset doesn’t exist?

Triple H: Are you gonna use it as an excuse?

CM Punk: No I’m not using it as an excuse. But this is…this is always the land of the giants right? This is the law of the jungle and the strong survive right? Tell me…tell me you aren’t that naive. You don’t actually believe that right?

Triple H: If you want to use it as an excuse for your failures Punk, go ahead.

CM Punk: My failures. (Crowd starts chanting, “CM Punk”.) My failures.

Triple H: See you’re worried about my opinion all the time. You don’t need to worry about my opinion. My opinion doesn’t matter. Their opinion does. (Triple H points to the crowd.)

CM Punk: Are you listening to ‘em?

Triple H: No, I am Punk and that’s today and that’s where you’ve changed my opinion. You see it’s the first six years that you bitch about incessantly where you didn’t get that reaction but yet you thought for some reason you were being held back. You see it’s not about my opinion—it’s about theirs. You want to be a star? All you have to do is get over with them. Those people, when you get them on your side, will come in droves to see you Punk. And when they do, you’ll get everything you ever wanted out of this business. You won’t have to go and make phone calls and beg and plead to be on the cup at 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven will call us and demand that you’re on it.

CM Punk: So we’re listening to the audience today…just today is that right? We’re listening to what they want? Then where oh where are my WWE ice cream bars? (The crowd starts cheering.) And spare me the imaginary brass ring speech because I’ve heard dozens and dozens of them over the years. I remember fondly my first brass ring speech. Let me take you back if I can be afforded to tell you a little bit of a story. It was 2006. Philadelphia. The night before my first WWE Pay-Per-View, Survivor Series. I was on a tag team captained by D-Generation X. And the funny thing about that night is 18,000 people in Philadelphia weren’t chanting “DX”. They weren’t chanting “HBK”. They certainly weren’t chanting “Triple H”. They were chanting… (Fans start chanting “CM Punk.) The story unfortunately doesn’t have a happy ending. See, that was the first time I grabbed that imaginary brass ring and went absolutely nowhere with it. See Hunter, I don’t play games. What you see with me is what you get. And I would much rather be hated for what I am than loved for something that I’m not.

Triple H: It’s mighty heroic of you. So are you gonna tell me all this time you've not had opportunities? That's what this is all about, right? Uh, let me see, Pay-Per-Views, main events, Money in the Bank, multiple World Championships, you know those sound like a lot of opportunities to me Punk. I don't know, maybe at some point in time you have to look in the mirror and look at yourself, stop blaming everybody else, and say, I don't know, maybe you're not as good as you thought you were. Maybe you're not the best in the world. You know, you told a story a few weeks ago, since we're storytelling, about John Cena coming up to you when you won your first championship here. He came up to you and he said, "Congratulations, I'd almost lost hope in you." And you were flabbergasted by this. How dare John Cena talk to the almighty CM Punk that way. Who the hell is he? Let me tell you who the hell he is. John Cena's a guy that came from nothing and made himself into the biggest star in this industry. Some people love him, some people hate him but the fact remains true. He sells out arenas all around the world. He did that on his own. He did it by winning them over (Triple H points at the crowd). See, you're worried about my opinion when it's theirs you need to worry about all the time. People ask me my opinion. I'm honest with them. I tell 'em the truth. Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes I look at a guy and I say, "That guy to me looks great. I think he's probably gonna be the biggest thing in the business." Turns out to be nothing. Other times I look at a guy and I say, "You know what? I don't think he's got anything to offer this business." And then that guy turns out to be John Cena, the biggest star in the business. See Punk, it's all about winning them over (Triple H points at the crowd). That's all you gotta do. Hey, there with you here today. It's a big world Punk...

CM Punk: (Interrupts Triple H) Wait a second...wait a second, are you listening to this audience that you supposedly listen to? Are you hearing this? Don't tell me that I have to win them over!

Triple H: See, here's the thing Punk. Yes, today, they're chanting your name. Last year? Not so much. And you know that to be a fact. You just started to get these people, but don't look back over the last six years and play the martyr and say you were held down 'cause it's a load of crap!

CM Punk: Everything I have in the last six years, I have earned. I was handed nothing. I busted my ass and I sacrificed for this business!

Triple H: You're damn right you did and congratulations. That's what you do to make it here in the WWE. You bust your ass each and every night. You leave it all in this ring. The blood, the sweat, the tears. All of it. That's what you do. You're handed nothing. But here's the thing, that's how you get over in this business. Whether it's your warped internet philosophy, if that doesn't match for you, that's a fact. That's how you get over in this business. But this is not about business. This is going around in a circle here. This is about me and you. And this isn't business, it's personal. You made it personal. I tried to keep it business. You made it into a personal issue. That's why this Sunday, you're gonna step into the ring, no disqualification, anything goes, with me. Not the businessman. Not the COO. Not the multiple time World Champion. Not The Game. Quite frankly, and quite simply, just a man! A man you insulted and a man that is gonna kick your ass!

CM Punk: Well la-dee-dah. We can just add that little chestnut on top of all the other things you're dead wrong about. This isn't about John Cena. I am the best in the world. And yeah, you know what? You're gonna kick my ass. Fantastic. Guess what else? I'm gonna kick your ass and at the end of the night, I'm going to pin you one-two-three in the center of the ring. I'm gonna make you Go to Sleep because my quest for change in the WWE, it doesn't stop until you're no longer COO. And Sunday night, at Night of Champions, no disqualification, I wanna tell you a little secret. Why it's gonna be so satisfying to me to kick your ass. And right now, this isn't CM Punk talking to Triple H. This is Phil Brooks talking to Paul Levesque. The reason why it's gonna be so satisfying to kick your ass...

(CM Punk's microphone stops working. CM Punk tries to talk into the mic but the mic is no longer on. CM Punk tosses his mic.)

Triple H: (Without using his microphone) You wanna to say something? Say it to me. I don't care if they hear it or not. Say it to me. It's me and you. Phil? Come on say it.

(Triple H taps his mic and blows into his mic to see if it works. Triple H speaks into his mic.)

Triple H: Here, this is working. Use this!

(Triple H gives the mic to Punk.)

CM Punk: Good Paul! Because the reason I'm gonna be so satisfied after I kick you...

(CM Punk's microphone stops working again. Punk spikes his mic into the ring mat and starts yelling at Triple H.)

CM Punk: (Without a mic.) You're the COO. You walk around here in a suit.

Triple H: (Without a mic, Triple H starts walking to the ring ropes by the announce table.) Give me a microphone. Frank, what the hell is going on?

(Triple H gets a mic and talks into it.)

Triple H: What is going on Frank, huh? (Triple H starts talking to CM Punk.)You want this? Come on! Lay the pipe bomb on me big guy. Come on. Go ahead.