If you read the first edition of “After RAW”, you know that I hired a guy named “Jimmy” so he can get me inside information about what is going on in the WWE. Jimmy somehow finds ways to get close to WWE Superstars. When I asked him to get information about Triple H, he disguised himself as Triple H’s limo driver. Speaking of Triple H, I am still curious about how he is handling his new job as the COO of the WWE. We can see he’s busy during RAW but what is he doing after RAW? I called up Jimmy and Jimmy hooked up hidden pipe bombs…I mean microphones in Triple H’s office. He emailed me the MP3 file of what the microphones recorded and I will now describe to you what happened after RAW on Monday August 8.
[Someone knocks on the door]
Triple H: Come in.
Santino Marella: Hello Triple Hs.
Triple H: Hey Santino. What can I do for you?
Santino: Well Triple Hs…Mr. Coo. Why wasn’t I on RAW tonight? First you release my tag team partner Vladimir Kozlov and now I’m not on the show. I’m very angry.
Triple H: First of all, stop calling me Triple Hs. It’s Triple H and you should be calling me sir. I’m your boss. And it’s pronounced C.O.O. not Coo. As for your concerns, I will try to get you a new tag team partner. In fact, I’m having you team with Evan Bourne on Superstars this week. I’m sorry you weren’t on RAW tonight. I can’t get everybody on RAW every week. Zack Ryder the King of the Internet or whatever he calls himself wasn’t on RAW either but I’ll try to get you on RAW next week.
Santino: Okay…very good. I will not unleash the cobra on you. By the way, Zack the Rider is outside and he wants to talk to you too.
Triple H: Alright…send him in.
Zack Ryder: What’s up bro?
Triple H: Hey it’s the King of the Internet!
Zack Ryder: King of the Internet? Are you serious bro? I’m the Internet Champion bro.
Triple H: Fine…Internet Champion. My bad. Even the Tag Team Titles are more important than that. By the way, I’m not your bro. I’m your boss. You got it?
Zack Ryder: Yeah sure I got it bro. Listen, like my bro Santino, I wasn’t on RAW either and I want answers. Things were going so good and now I’m not on RAW anymore? What’s going on?
Triple H: I’m sorry Zack. Like I explained to Santino, I can’t get everybody on RAW every week. I actually like you a little. I’m kinda impressed that you were able to use the internet to get popular. It makes me wonder how many championships I would have right now if the internet was around when my career started. I could have 20 World Championship reigns by now. I can understand you are upset but when I made my return to Smackdown a few weeks ago, I said that I would worry about the most important issues first. Right now, the most important issue on RAW is the WWE Championship situation. I’m more worried about that right now than getting Zack Ryder on RAW. But I didn’t forget about you though. You will be on Smackdown this week.
Zack Ryder: Alright I guess but I’m a RAW Superstar and I should be on RAW not Smackdown.
Triple H: Just be happy you’re on TV.
[Door knocks]
Triple H: Come in.
The Miz: Hello Hunter.
Triple H: Hi Miz. What do you want?
The Miz: What do I want? Really? You don’t know the answer to that question? Really? I’m the most must-see Superstar in this company and I don’t have a match for SummerSlam. Why is that Hunter?
Triple H: I’m not Hunter…I’m your boss. I’m sorry to say this Miz but you are not WWE Champion anymore and you haven’t won any Pay-Per-View matches since WrestleMania. I would like to say I’ve been too busying worrying about the WWE Championship match but the truth is that I don’t feel that you deserve a SummerSlam match right now. I don’t give away PPV matches. Back in the Attitude Era, you had to earn your spot on the card. So now that I’m running the show, everybody here will have to earn their spot. Right now you don’t deserve a match at SummerSlam.
The Miz: I don’t deserve a match at SummerSlam? Really? Have you been playing attention? I know I lost to Rey Mysterio a few weeks ago but last week R-Truth and I beat John Morrison and Rey Mysterio and then tonight I beat Kofi Kingston. Also, I won two matches in the WWE Championship tournament before I lost to Rey. So forget about my win-loss record on PPV for a second. I have won four of my last five matches. What more do I have to do?
Triple H: You make a good point. Right now, there are only four confirmed matches for SummerSlam. I’ll see if I can get you a match.
The Miz: Good. I’ll be there.
[Door knocks]
Triple H: Come in.
CM Punk: Hey Hunter…how ya doing?
Triple H: Why is this so hard for people? Stop calling me Hunter. I’m your boss.
CM Punk: No, I think I’ll call ya Hunter. Be glad I’m calling you that. I could call you something a lot worse.
Triple H: Okay I want to leave soon so make this quick.
CM Punk: Oh so you let everybody else complain to you but when I’m here, you want to get rid of me as fast as you can? I need to get something off my chest and I will talk as long as I want to. What the hell are you planning to do this Sunday?
Triple H: What do you mean?
CM Punk: Oh you know exactly what I mean. Special guest referee? C’mon Hunter. Any of our fine WWE officials would be fair and unbiased during the match. Why I should I believe you will be a fairer referee than them? You got something planned and I don’t like it. You are just like your father-in-law. You don’t want CM Punk as the WWE Champion. You want a guy like John Cena to be the champion. I mean that’s why John boy is in all the movies and commercials and on magazine covers and I’m not. You clearly don’t want CM Punk as the face of this company. If John boy beats me..he won't but if he got lucky and found a way to beat me, I’d have no problem with that. I’ll shake his hand and start focusing on getting my WWE Championship back. But, I will not tolerate my title being stolen from me just because you don’t want me as the Undisputed WWE Champion.
Triple H: You’re wrong Punk. I’m not like my father-in-law. If really felt that way about you like you said, I would have never re-signed you. I may not like you personally but re-signing you was good for business and if you prove this Sunday that you are the better man then so be it. I am not going to screw you. I am just simply trying to ensure the match is fair.
R-Truth: Hey Triple H, I need to talk to you!
Triple H: R-Truth, I’m talking to somebody right now. Can you come back later?
R-Truth: Did you hear that? He wants me to come back later. Yeah I’m going to tell him but he said I should come back later. You’re right. I should tell him now. Triple H, I need to talk to you now. How come I don’t officially got a match for SummerSlam yet?
Triple H: I don’t know why. I’m currently…
R-Truth: Oh you know why but you won’t tell me. There’s a conspiracy going on around here and I’m gonna find out what it is.
CM Punk: You’re absolutely right R-Truth. There is a conspiracy and the conspiracy is that Triple H doesn’t want me as WWE Champion. I want to think you are telling me the truth Hunter but I know you’re not. I got nothing more to say. Just remember that you have seen what I do when someone gets me mad.
[Door opens and closes]
Triple H: That better be it. I'm getting tired.
[Door knocks]
Triple H: Ugh…come in.
Drew McIntyre: Hello sir.
Triple H: Finally! Somebody called me sir! What can I do for you Drew?
Drew: I have been patient for too long Mr. Helmsley. When I was drafted to RAW, I was expecting to make a big impact but so far I am barely on the show. You give Zack Ryder matches but you don’t give me any matches. Did you forget that I’m the chosen one? Your father-in-law signed me so I could be the face of this company. He didn’t sign me so I could be sitting in the locker room doing nothing.
Triple H: I’m sorry Drew. I will try to get you on RAW more often. Once we finally get an undisputed WWE Champion, I will start working on getting you more involved.
Drew: Alright sir. You better or else next time we meet, I might be a little more hostile.
[Door closes]
Triple H: Okay, I’m getting out of here before anybody else shows up.
It sounds like Triple H is very busy so far. I would like to see Drew McIntyre on RAW more often so I hope Triple H does find a way to get Drew more involved on RAW.
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