CM Punk Says "Click is the noise the audience’s remote control makes every time Kevin Nash pops up on their TV screen"

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW

Date: August 29, 2011

Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma

(Right after RAW starts, Triple H’s music begins playing and Triple H walks to the ring to cut a promo. Triple H says that it’s his job to give the fans the best the WWE has to offer at all times. Triple H announces that Smackdown Superstars will be appearing on RAW every week. Triple H says that one of the "uncool parts" of being a COO are when people lie to you. Triple H says that most of those lies are coming from his friend Kevin Nash. Triple H wants Kevin Nash to come to the ring and tell him why Nash lied to Triple H. Instead CM Punk’s music starts playing and CM Punk walks to the ring.)

(CM Punk starts clapping in the ring.)

CM Punk: Wow…what a performance! What a…man, I know you’ve been in some movies but that…that was Oscar caliber. That was…that was Pacino in “Heat” level thespianism. That was beautiful. Great performance Triple H.

Triple H: What do you want?

CM Punk: What do I want? Well for starters, this isn’t one of your movies. How about you stop acting. Huh? You don’t want Kevin Nash to lie. I want you to stop lying. Man up. Tell the truth for once. That you, Big Daddy Cool have been in this together from the beginning.

(Kevin Nash's music starts. Nash walks down the entrance ramp and enters the ring.)  

Kevin Nash: First off…yeah…yeah I lied. I had my driver call Laurinaitis and tell him that I got in a wreck. But do you know why? ‘Cause you wouldn’t let me take care of things. So I had to…I had to take our friendship and use it against you because I knew it would pull you out of the building. And the problem is is him! You wouldn’t let me finish what I was supposed to do so I had to get rid of ya. (Nash looks at Punk) Yeah...you’ve been trying to make a fool out of me in front of millions the last couple of weeks. And it’s done…it’s over. But you know what? The thing is…it’s just not me. It’s you he’s insulting and more importantly, it’s your wife. So I got a question for ya. I might not have exactly acted the way you wanted me to but my question is, "What kind of man are you?"

Triple H: [What] kind of man am I, huh? The kind of man that doesn’t expect to be lied to by his best friend. The kind of guy that expects if his friend tells him something, he can take it for the truth. That doesn’t work anymore does it Kev? Because I can’t trust you. Not when it comes to business. You lied to my face. So Kev…now I’m gonna ask you one more time like I did before. Leave…leave and this time don’t come back.

Kevin Nash: First off, you’re right I lied. But only about the accident…not about the text. The second thing is, while you were out of the building last week, well…John Laurinaitis executive vice president of…of talent personnel signed me to a, in this economy, very lucrative WWE contract. So buddy old pal…if you’re gonna fire me, you are gonna have to do it in front of all these people and the millions at home. And on top of that, it’s guaranteed so I’ll sit home and get paid. So ball’s in your court. 

Triple H: Kev I’m not gonna fire you. Alright? (Nash tries to hug Triple H) Na na na na. But the lying stops now. You understand me? No more. No more disrespect…

(CM Punk pretends to vomit for over 30 seconds.)

CM Punk: Get it? Get it? I’m acting. I’m acting like I’m sick just like you two are acting. You expect anybody, let alone me, to believe this crap? (Punk pretends to vomit again.) Triple H, you can’t be the bad guy. You can’t get your hands dirty so you have you (Punk points to Kevin Nash) do his work, right? And then you not only apologize to him…you not only accept his apology, you hire him back?! That’s a…that’s a good acquisition. Fantastic job. Hey everybody The Kliq’s back. Yeah! Woo-hoo! Which…which is kind of ironic because click is the noise the audience’s remote control makes every time Kevin Nash pops up on their TV screen. And, wait I’m not done, it’s the noise your knees make when you walk. Click…click…click…click…click…click. 

Kevin Nash: Well you know what? Since I’m now officially under a WWE contract, why don’t you do me a favor, Hunter? Why don’t you book the match everybody wants to see? Why don’t you book the match (Nash points to Punk) HE THINKS HE WANTS? Kevin Nash vs. CM Punk. 

CM Punk: Yeah brother, why don’t you make that match? You know what…why don’t we do it at Night of Champions? You being a champion ass-kisser and all. So why don’t you go ahead and why don’t you make that match. Of course…of course first you have to check with the Board of Directors to make sure it’s okay and by Board of Directors I mean your wife. 

(Kevin Nash tries to attack Punk but Triple H stops him.) 

CM Punk: So c’mon Mr. COO…make the match that (Punk points to Nash) he thinks he wants. I mean your wife's the one who runs the show around here anyway right? So why don’t you ask her if it’s okay. I mean she’s the one who told you to text Nash at SummerSlam right? Let’s face it…you don’t wear the pants in the family but you do wear her panties don’t you? Pipe bomb!

Triple H: You want the match? Fine…it’s official. Nash vs. CM Punk. Night of Champions. Far as the two of you go, I got two words for both of you. (Triple H raises his microphone up and the fans yell, “Suck it!”)

(Later on RAW after the main event match, Triple H and CM Punk are backstage.)

CM Punk: Laurinaitis said you wanted to see me.

Triple H: Listen, I know you’ve had a hell of a night.

CM Punk: Yeah.

Triple H: I just want to let you know I just got off the phone with the WWE Board of Directors and…

CM Punk: Did you resign? No? I got it you…you married into family…you made your millions so you’re finally getting that divorce right? (Punk chuckles.) I wouldn’t blame you for that one at all. You getting divorced? 

Triple H: Called you in here to inform you that your match with Nash has been cancelled. At Night of Champions, you’re gonna go one-on-one with me.