CM Punk Says "Best of luck in your future endeavors"

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW

Date: September 5, 2011

Location: Columbus, Ohio 

(RAW starts with CM Punk’s music playing. CM Punk walks to the ring and gets a microphone. CM Punk sits down in the middle of the ring.)

CM Punk: I have a little nugget of information for everybody that I don’t think is gonna exactly be a newsflash. I think everybody knows this but I’m gonna say it anyway ‘cause I want to prove a point. I am different. I walk differently, I act differently, I speak differently. I don’t have a filter between my brain and my mouth. Things just…horrible things just fall out of my head all the time. I say things like, “I’m the best wrestler in the world.” Now what’s different about that is that I have the ability and I do back it up every time I’m in the ring. Being different, it also makes me a target. In other words, I tend to piss a lot of people off. And hey, maybe that’s why R-Truth interfered in my match last week. Maybe he’s mad at me. But now tonight in Columbus, Ohio, I’m scheduled to wrestle R-Truth tonight. And that would just be lovely normally but right now, it’s not lovely. See, there’s one guy that I would much rather just kick in the face as hard as I can and his name is Kevin Nash. Because I feel I’m so different, I also feel that Kevin Nash is painfully the same. He is the soul crushing status quo. Same music since 1996. Same beard and hair dye since the first Gulf War. The same ridiculous notion that him shoving Triple H is suddenly gonna make me think that Kevin Nash and Triple H are mortal enemies. I don’t think that. See because I think differently. I think they’re still best buddies. Kevin Nash, I’m sure you’re gonna have Triple H’s back, or at least you plan to, when I face him at Night of Champions. So I want to do something right now. I want to give you an open forum to do something that would be different for you. And that’s come out here and face me like a man. (CM Punk waits for Kevin Nash’s music.) I’m waiting. Get your balls out of your purse and come out here and face me like a man. (CM Punk is still waiting but Kevin Nash’s music is not starting.) Yep that’s what I thought.

(Kevin Nash’s music finally plays. Nash is at the top of the entrance ramp with a microphone.)

Kevin Nash: First of all, I don’t listen to you. I do what I want whenever I want. I fight who I want whenever I want. I pretty much do whatever I want. Just like last Monday when I stuck you in the canvas. Secondly…

CM Punk: (Interrupts Nash) Secondly, it appears that you have more excuses than you have nicknames. Isn’t that right Big Daddy Cool Diesel? Vinnie Vegas. Bearded Giraffe. I could call you Oz. Maybe Super Shredder—I don’t think a lot of people are gonna get that one. What else should I call you except The Big Complainer?

Kevin Nash: What exactly do you think’s gonna happen if I come down there tonight? I mean look at you and look at me. Every time I come down there, I leave you lying. I mean when it comes down to it, Triple H did you a favor. Pulling me out of that match, all it did was make sure that I didn’t kill you.

CM Punk: Okay so let me understand this. Aside from all that crap that you just said…

Kevin Nash: No no no!

CM Punk: …the estrogen pills…

(Kevin Nash tries to interrupt CM Punk.)

CM Punk: Be quiet! You’re boring! You’re killing me! So if I’m to understand this, the estrogen pills your character took in “The Longest Yard”…those weren’t props right? For most of us to understand that 1994 you won your first heavyweight title, I mean that was the year Justin Bieber was born. Arsenio Hall still had a television show. I couldn’t legally drive. And that’s the last time you were relevant.

(Kevin Nash starts walking towards the ring.)

CM Punk: Don’t put all this on Triple H. This is about me and it’s about you. And yeah…keep walking because you talk about sticking me in the mat. The thing about me is no matter how many times you knock me down, I’m gonna keep coming up and I’m gonna keep standing up and I’m gonna keep fighting. And that’s more than I can say for you. ‘Cause you’re not imposing…

(Triple H’s music starts.)

CM Punk: You don’t intimidate me. I’m not done.

(Triple H’s music continues and Triple H walks towards Nash. Kevin Nash tells Triple H that Triple H needs to get rid of CM Punk. Triple H walks away from Kevin Nash and walks into the ring. Triple H says that normally he would be inclined to do what Kevin Nash wants and would be normally inclined to forgive Nash for putting his hands on Triple H. But Triple H says this is not a normal week. Triple H says, “This is the week where I found out the truth.” Triple H says he received a call over the weekend from the Staples Center in Los Angeles. The Staples Center said they had security footage from the hallway outside where Triple H’s office was. Triple H says they sent it to him to look at and Triple H says he saw Kevin Nash going into his office at the exact time Nash received a text message from Triple H telling Nash to “stick the winner at SummerSlam.” Triple H says that the person who sent the text message from Triple H’s phone to Nash’s phone was Nash. Kevin Nash says that Triple H is right and Nash did lie. Nash says he made the WWE cool and exciting again. Nash says the WWE Universe is not big enough for Nash and CM Punk. Nash says one of the two has to go. Triple H says he has a problem with Kevin Nash. Triple H says he doesn’t like CM Punk but CM Punk doesn’t lie to Triple H and Nash has been lying to Triple H a lot. Triple H says he is inclined to get rid of somebody. Kevin Nash realizes that Triple H is going to fire Nash and he is shocked that Triple H is choosing Punk over Nash. Nash says he has known Triple H for 20 years and he is Triple H’s friend. Nash asks, “Is it about that push last week? Is that what it is?” Nash says he got lost in the moment and got a little emotional. Nash thought friends could do that. Nash asks Triple H what he is going to do about it. Nash says Triple H is going to do nothing. Nash gives Triple H a little push and Triple H reacts by hitting Nash in the chest with his fist. Triple H says that Nash is fired. Triple H leaves the ring.) 

(CM Punk walks up to Kevin Nash, points at him, and laughs.)

CM Punk: Best of luck in your future endeavors.

(Later on RAW, CM Punk has a match with R-Truth. After Punk wins, Triple H’s music starts playing and Triple H walks into the ring.)

CM Punk: Before you even start running your mouth, I want you to know that I don’t buy you punching Kevin Nash for one single second. You guys are still best friends. Am I supposed to believe that you guys aren’t still in on this somehow?

Triple H: Buy it or not quite frankly I really don’t care. Bottom line is Nash is gone. You want change Obama? You got change coming your way. I just changed our match at Night of Champions. You see, I told you a week ago this has nothing to do with business and it doesn’t. You ran your mouth about my wife, my family. You made it personal. I’m not gonna be satisfied just pinning you. I want to hurt you bad. So at Night of Champions, it’s gonna be no DQ. No disqualification Punk. Anything goes and I will hurt you. And you had better hope I get all of this out of my system otherwise when I’m done, I might just fire ya too.

(Triple H starts to leave the ring.)

CM Punk: Whoa whoa. Hold up…hold up Cerebral Ass-assin. I like no disqualification. I mean, you’ve been hitting people in the face with sledgehammers for 10 years. You haven’t killed a single one yet so I’m not afraid. You change it, you have a stipulation, I’ll agree to it if you agree to my stipulation. At Night of Champions, not if but when I beat you, you resign as COO of WWE.

Triple H: Done.

(Triple H drops his microphone and leaves the ring.)