CM Punk Says (RAW August 1, 2011)

This is the first edition of CM Punk Says. The CM Punk Era started a couple weeks ago when Punk made his return to the WWE after missing only one episode of Monday Night RAW. CM Punk is the best on the mic right now in the WWE. Punk has been cutting great promos this year including one on June 27 that was probably the promo of the year.  

I have decided that I will write down every word CM Punk says on WWE TV starting with last Monday's RAW. I don't know how long I will do this for but CM Punk is saying some really interesting stuff and I feel like I need to record all of it. There are YouTube videos of CM Punk's promos but no one really knows how long will they be available. Some of his epic promos like his June 27 promo will always be available but some of his other promos might be hard or almost impossible to find in ten years. The YouTube videos of CM Punk exist now but the WWE has the right to remove any WWE video on YouTube. So by writing CM Punk's words, I can make sure his words live on forever. When someone wants to know what CM Punk said to Triple H on August 1, 2011, that person can come to this website, view this article, and find whatever he or she is looking for. It's a lot of work but I am doing this for me just as much as I am doing this for every WWE fan because I too may want to read CM Punk's words ten years from now. Trust me...it will be hard to find the words to all of CM Punk's promos in ten years. I am having a hard time finding what Randy Orton said during his feud with Triple H before WrestleMania 25 and that was just two years ago. These CM Punk Says articles may not be popular right away but I think they can become very popular in five years when people want to relive what Punk said when he first started becoming very popular in the WWE.

As I am writing this, I have already written down everything Punk said last week and it was not easy. Punk said a lot of stuff last week on RAW. A lot of times, including last week, Punk will have conversations with other WWE Superstars. So when that happens, I will include the words of the person Punk was talking to so the conversation will make sense. Also, I don't expect this CM Punk Says or future CM Punk Says to be 100% accurate but they will be as close to 100% as I can possibly get. The only words I am omitting are words that were inaudible and not important. I will not correct CM Punk's mistakes. Everything Punk says will be included even if it doesn't make sense. When CM Punk repeats himself, I will include that too because I am trying to get this as accurate as possible. I could have easily paraphrased everything Punk said but I want this to be legit. I want you to be able to read this while listening to Punk and see that everything Punk is saying is what is written in this article. If I feel that Punk left out a word that I felt he meant to say but didn't, then I will add it in by putting brackets around those words and when there are important stuff that was happening during the promo that you obviously can't see or hear while reading this or important stuff that happened before and after Punk's promo, I will mention those things in parentheses. Other than that, I will not edit Punk's speeches in any way. There may be a few insignificant words that I will not include but I will not write anything that Punk did not say. I think I covered everything I wanted to say for now. If there is something I forgot to mention, I'll discuss it next week but until then, enjoy the first edition of CM Punk Says.

(RAW begins with CM Punk entering the ring and grabbing a microphone.) 

CM Punk: The champ is here! And now the 64 thousand dollar question. Why oh why, after everything I said and after everything I did, why did I come back? I’m a bit of a storyteller. If I could be afforded a little bit of your time, I want to tell you a little bit of a story. I’ve known for a very long time that my contract with WWE expired on July 17th, 2011. So as far as a year back, I was struggling with this monumentous life changing decision that I had to make. On one hand, and believe me ladies and gentlemen, I love the place I work I just hate the people in charge. And therein lies my decision. I could have either re-signed and dealt with the soul crushing status quo or I had a choice to speak my mind and maybe cause a little bit of change in my wake. And obviously, and you know my decision, I spoke my mind and lo and behold, I caused just a little bit of change didn’t I? 

The domino effect as it’s known. I mean the next night on Monday Night RAW, Vincent K. McMahon was relieved of his day-to-day duties. And there it is. That’s change. That’s tangible change. I can feel it in the air. I know all of you can feel it in the air too. And I’d like to take a little bit of credit for that change but I think a lot of the credit also lies on the shoulders of you, the audience. See for far too long, you’ve been fed scraps. For far too long, you have[n’t] been given what I feel you’re entitled to. I’m here to give that to you. I’m here to make this fun again. I’m gonna make this fun again for everybody. Am I a little bit unorthodox?   Am I unpredictable? Do people get scared when CM Punk shows up with a microphone? You damn betcha man and I’d have it no other way. As proud as I was about backing up everything I said, I was sitting at home and I was looking at the WWE Championship and I realized that the Voice of the Voiceless needs to be heard. My voice needs to be heard by the people who need to hear it the most and that’s you. I can’t do that with a megaphone in various media outlets. I can’t do that at Comic Con. I can’t do that at Jimmy Kimmel. What it boils down to is I can’t change this place for the better…I can’t make this business and this industry what it can and should be sitting on my couch in Chicago. So I picked up the phone as much as I hate being on the telephone. I made the phone call to come back believe it or not. And by the looks of it, my timing couldn’t have been better. In my short absence, we’ve already reverted back to the soul crushing status quo. John Cena is parading around as the WWE Champion.

And see, John Cena is as much WWE Champion as this guy sitting front row right here with his Shop Zone replica championship title belt. See, what you have (CM Punk talking to fan in front row with replica World Heavyweight Championship belt)…what you have is a belt. What I have…is a championship title. So, so much for change huh? Same old same old.  John Cena, no matter what the outcome of whatever bogus championship tournament that we had while I was on vacation, no matter who in that locker room thinks they’re entitled to rematches, one fact…one fact, I hold in my hands the most important title in the world. This right here indicates to everybody, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am the best professional wrestler this world has to offer. I am the one, the only WWE Champion. Feel that, digest that, I am the WWE Champion.

(Triple H’s music starts)

CM Punk: Apparently it’s time to play the game.

(Triple H appears by the titantron and walks towards the ring. Triple H is in the ring and has a microphone in his hand.)

(Crowd chants, “Triple H”)

CM Punk:  Absolutely. Let’s hear it for him. HHH…he’s the COO.

Triple H: Thank you Punk for that warm reception. And I will address what you said about the WWE Championship in just a second. But since you took the time to come out here and explain to all these people why you re-signed, I thought I’d come out here and explain to you why I re-signed you. It comes down basically to one thing…business. It was good for business. The same reason why I brought back JR. Same reason why I brought back John Morrison. It was…it was good for business. You see, the WWE Universe wanted it and it is my job as COO to try each and every week to give them exactly what they want.  The WWE Universe spoke, they said they wanted CM Punk, and I put my personal feelings aside and gave them CM Punk.

CM Punk: Yeah I picked up on that too. Personal feelings?

Triple H: It was meant…it was meant to be a compliment. Just take it as that. 

CM Punk: No, wait a second. Just ‘cause you are wearing a suit now, please don’t hide behind it. Personal feelings. I really am interested to know now, just as everybody here is, I want to know personally what your feelings are for CM Punk.

Triple H: My feelings are…personal feelings are irrelevant but if you insist. I think that you’re a smug, overrated, attention seeking guy that puts a little bit too much stock in his own hype. Not that that’s a bad thing.

CM Punk: Well I’m glad we can be honest. Smug? Overrated? Kinda like looking in the mirror isn’t it Hunter? Am I smug? Am I smug? Yeah. You know what? Absolutely. I don’t wear a white hat. I’m kinda a jerk. Am I overrated? Not really for me to say. Not up to me. I wish you just come out and say that you hated my guts though. That you hate my guts but let everybody know what a commodity I am. See because we live in this era that Vincent K. McMahon built right? He’s a great man. Surrounded himself with other great men that would just say, “Yes yes yes yes.” And they really screwed the pooch on this entire talent roster. Vince let guys, main event caliber talent, go. Just slipped through their fingers. Guys like Batista. Guys like Mick Foley. Guys like Chris Jericho. Guys like Brock Lesnar. I can go on and on and on. Basically, not only did you not want to see me go anywhere else, you couldn’t afford to see me go anywhere else. I’m hot. I’m a commodity. 

Triple H: Fair enough. You are a commodity. But since we’re out here telling everybody the truth, why don’t you tell the truth about why you really re-signed.

CM Punk: I already did. I want to facilitate change.

Triple H: That’s one way of looking at it. I think another way of looking at it would be you did it for you. You wanted to hear your own voice. What do you call that? A pipe bomb? Well what happens if a pipe bomb goes off and no one’s there to hear it? Does it make a noise? Answer is no it doesn’t. See you needed this platform. You needed the WWE Universe because without the WWE, your pipe bomb and you really mean nothing. That you did for your own ego.

CM Punk: Well that’s…that’s a big maybe. That’s 50-50 at best. And I don’t like to hang my hat on maybes. I like facts. 100% truths. The truth is...I’m the WWE Champion.

Triple H: Correction. You are the WWE Champion. John Cena is also the WWE Champion. And Punk, like I said before, that is a situation I will fix later tonight.

(Triple H’s music starts)

CM Punk: Whoa…whoa whoa whoa whoa. Hang on. Hold up in the truck. Hold up. 

(Triple’s H music stops)

CM Punk: Hang on. I do love Motörhead but come back here for a second. This pipe bomb is about to go off in the forest. I want you around so you can hear it okay. I’m just getting warmed up. See, I don’t you to think that just because I signed my name on the WWE contract that means I’m gonna shut up. I don’t want you to think I’m going to toe the company line and spit out some PG doctrine. I’m not going to promo class. I’m not going to media training. I’m here to stay and I’m here to do things my way. You want to talk about egos? You want to talk about egos? Well… (CM Punk does the bow Triple H used to do early in his career) Hunter Hearst Helmsley…let’s talk about egos. Let’s talk about you hogging the spotlight so many many many many many times over people who deserved a spotlight. Let’s talk about the fact that even when you were carrying Shawn Michaels’ bags, that you liked to throw your weight around and push people and tell people what to do. I mean how many times you tell people what to do? Wait…you know what? Don’t answer that question. Answer this question. How many times did you say, “Well you know I just don’t think he has what it takes,” while you’re lying in bed with your wife? See no matter what, if you’re wearing a five thousand dollar suit, if you’re in your wrestling gear, if you’re dressed up like a low rent, poor man’s Conan, you are the same guy that you’ve always been. You’re a bully who likes to throw his weight around and push people. And I’m not picking a fight. I’m just saying be careful who you push. Because you know I like to push back.

Triple H: This comes down to ego right? And I’ll be the first guy to tell ya, I got a massive ego. And right now, that massive ego is telling me to slap every one of those silly little rotten ass tattoos off your skinny fat ass! But I’m not gonna do that because this is bigger than that. This is bigger than that. I took the job as COO for them (Triple H points to crowd). That comes with certain responsibilities, certain rules. Maybe I don’t like those rules any more than anybody else would but you know what? I respect them. And for them, (points to the crowd again) I’m not gonna break those rules. And Punk, I would strongly, strongly suggest you don’t break them either.

CM Punk:  Or what? You gonna uh…you gonna beat me up?  Huh? You gonna fight me? You gonna punch me in the face? Or do you got to go ask your wife permission first?

(CM Punk picks up WWE Championship title)

CM Punk: Pipe bomb! (Punk drops microphone)

(Later that night, CM Punk is interviewed backstage by Josh Mathews.)

Josh Mathews: CM Punk, after your altercation earlier tonight with Triple H, what do you feel his decision is going to be regarding the WWE Championship?

CM Punk: Hmmm…I don’t know. I consulted my magic eight ball earlier and it said, “Cloudy at best.” I’m waiting around just like everybody else to see what the new COO’s decision is gonna be. You know earlier out there in the ring, I was just testing Hunter and he passed with flying colors. I’m sure our relationship from here on out is gonna be strictly business as he says. As far as his decision, I can only hope he does the right thing. At Money in the Bank, John Cena and myself had one the greatest WWE Title matches in history. The outcome, though, he lost. I won. So the champ is standing right here. And now, the champ’s walking that way.

(At the end of the night, Triple H came to the ring to announce his decision about the fact that there are currently two WWE Champions. John Laurinaitis came out to the ring and told Triple H to strip the title off of John Cena. That prompted John Cena to come down to the ring and Cena told Laurinaitis that he was going to punch him in the face. Laurinaitis left the ring so Cena asked Triple H if he was going to strip the WWE Championship from Cena. Triple H said that Cena legitimately earned the championship.  Before Triple H could say anything else, CM Punk’s music started and CM Punk entered the ring.)

CM Punk: I’ve been here before. I see the writing on the wall. You’re not gonna strip John Cena of his paper championship? So what, you do the next logical thing? Now that I’m back full time officially…you gonna strip me of my title? My championship that I rightfully won when I beat him at Money in the Bank? So everything is just gonna go back to status quo? Everything is gonna go back to normal? It’s gonna be the nice, happy go lucky WWE where we put smiles on people’s faces? And every day I come to work and I find a urinal to go throw up in?

(Triple H announces that John Cena will face CM Punk at SummerSlam to decide the undisputed WWE Champion. After Triple H leaves, Punk and Cena try to see who can get the biggest pop from the crowd.)