CM Punk Says "Was it Big Lazy with the giant tube of Just For Men in the conservatory?"

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW

Date: August 22, 2011

Location: Edmonton, Alberta (Canada)

(RAW starts with Alberto Del Rio getting introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez and Alberto enters the ring. Alberto says, “My name…” but before he can say anything else, he is interrupted by John Cena’s music. Cena enters the ring and tells Alberto that he is going to take his WWE Championship and hurt Del Rio too. Cena says he is going to whip Alberto’s ass.)

(CM Punk’s music starts and Punk goes out to the ring. Punk has a microphone in his hand and he starts talking to Cena.)

CM Punk: Hold up a second John boy. Is this…are you feeling déjà vu here?  I’m getting a little bit of sense of déjà vu. Is this a re-run? I know you…you weren’t here last time (pointing to Del Rio), but I feel like this is a re-run. Everybody John Cena wants another title match. Awesome. Yeah…I’ve seen this one before.  That’s why we’re not gonna do it. You see, I’m the guy who beat you twice in high pressure situations. And then, Oberto over here moseys on down to the ring and cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase—which is completely understandable you have every right—however if anybody’s getting a title shot, it’s gonna be me. Very ballsy though…you coming out here and demanding a title shot and making fun of this guy  (Punk points to somebody outside the ring…possibly Ricardo Rodriguez) and making fun of this guy (Punk points to Alberto) and talking about his cars (Punk points to Alberto’s car which is near the entrance ramp). Don’t you have 10,000 cars? 

John Cena: I know the name of that automobile. 

CM Punk: You should probably get on that. So ballsy move but it’s not gonna happen. 

John Cena: Now why is it not gonna happen?

Alberto Del Rio: Hey hey hey hey hey. Both of you. 

John Cena: Hey look it’s captain third wheel. You were saying something?

Alberto Del Rio: This is my time. (Alberto starts speaking Spanish) Because I am the WWE Champion. 

CM Punk: Are you finished? Are you done? First of all, don’t ever interrupt me when I’m speaking. I do not have a problem with you cashing in your Money in the Bank briefcase. Hell, I did it twice. I did it a lot better than you both times but it was fun. So I see where you’re coming from. You put your body on the line in the most dangerous match the WWE has to offer and you reap the rewards. Congratulations. What I have a problem with is that this whole scenario is some sort of concentrated effort by you, Triple H, Kevin Nash, I don’t know maybe Jack Tunney’s involved too but you’re all trying to screw me. That’s what I have a problem with. So since I have a problem with that situation, John boy this is where you come in. You should pay close attention to the past because if you do not, you are doomed to repeat it. You have had problems with Triple H in the past. Just like I have had problems with Triple H in the past. Hell, at SummerSlam I insulted his wife straight to her face. So then magically Kevin Nash gets a text that says, “Take out CM Punk.” But you need to realize that if you won that match at SummerSlam, that text probably would have been, “Take out John Cena.” You see…somebody, and I don’t know who it is, wants Berto to be champion really really bad.

Alberto Del Rio: That’s destiny CM Punk. It’s called destiny.

CM Punk: Destiny. I think what you mean by destiny is CM Punk officially cashing in his opportunity for his rematch at the WWE Title. That’s destiny. 

John Cena: He…he speaks Spanish. It’s a little bit confusing. What he meant was John Cena cashing in his rematch clause for the WWE Championship right here tonight. 

CM Punk: Your rematch clause exist[s] about as much as Santa Claus exists so I am officially putting my name out there, cashing in my rematch clause.

John Cena: And tonight is the night fairy tales become real because I am exercising my clause and tonight I will face Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship. I’m happy to give you the first shot.

Alberto Del Rio: And I officially ignoring both of you. This is my time…I defended my title last week so now it’s time for me to celebrate. But of course it’s not gonna happen here. It’s not gonna happen here in Canada in front of these (Alberto says a word in Spanish) Canadians. And you Punk at SummerSlam, I saw my opportunity and I took advantage of that. So stop crying like a little girl. And this is for both of you…

(Triple H music starts and interrupts Alberto Del Rio. Triple H appears on top of the entrance ramp.)

(Triple H enters the ring with a microphone in his hand. Triple H says that he is not here to protect Del Rio. He tells Del Rio that he will have a match next but it won’t be against Cena or CM Punk. Triple H then starts talking to Cena and Punk. He tells them that they can’t cash in their rematch clauses whenever they want to. Triple H says he is the "CEOO" of the WWE and it is his job to decide when someone gets their rematch. Triple H decides the person who will get their rematch first will be the person who wins tonight’s main event which is CM Punk vs. John Cena. The winner will face Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship at the Night of Champions Pay-Per-View.)

(Later on RAW, Triple H is in the ring and he asks Kevin Nash to come out to explain the details about what happened at SummerSlam.)

 

(Kevin Nash walks down to the ring without music and enters the ring. Triple H says he did not send a text to Kevin Nash and he wants everybody to know that. Nash says he got the text message from Triple H and he thought he was doing Triple H a favor. Nash says he will not apologize for attacking CM Punk and says that the line of security last week was for Punk because Nash said he would have killed Punk if the security wasn’t there. Triple H says that Nash doesn’t work for the WWE and can’t be calling out CM Punk. Triple H says Nash can attack Punk outside of the arena if he wants but he can’t attack Punk at a WWE event. Triple H asks Nash to leave.)

(CM Punk’s music starts and Punk starts talking on top of the entrance ramp.)

CM Punk: Please please please don’t leave. See I’m out here right now to get to the bottom of this. Who sent the text message? Seems we got a mystery on our hands so why don’t we play a little bit of game of Clue. Was it Big Lazy with the giant tube of Just For Men in the conservatory?  Maybe. Or was it Triple H backstage with his trusty sledgehammer. Or maybe, and this is the one my money’s on, maybe it was Stephanie McMahon. You know, I don’t know, with a candlestick in the library or something. We need to figure out who sent the text message gentlemen because I don’t believe a word either of you are saying right now. And Nash you came out here to apologize to me last week? You should have just apologized. And now you say I crossed the line. Well guess what…I’m a habitual line stepper. That’s what I do…I step over lines. (CM Punk has been walking while he was talking and now he is on the ring apron) You should know a thing or two about it. You’re a line stepper too. You know what? I’m done talking. Last week, you got off easy. This week, I’m kicking your ass. 

(CM Punk enters the ring and walks towards Kevin Nash. Triple H immediately stops CM Punk from getting close to Nash and he pushes Punk away from Nash.)

CM Punk: Get your hands off me! You know you…you’ve had it in for me since the beginning. You’ve never liked me have you? You know at SummerSlam, you called the match down the middle just until you saw an opportunity to screw me so what’s your problem Hunter, huh? Exactly why are you so scared of me being WWE Champion? You’re afraid I’m gonna be a good champion or a bad champion? You know, who’s…who’s really pulling the strings? Is it you? Is it Big Sexy? Or is it your bean-headed wife?

Triple H: I know you’re a line crosser and I’ve promised the world including the Board that I wouldn’t get involved in this stuff physically but don’t make the mistake of thinking that for a second I’M NOT THE SAME DAMN GUY I’VE ALWAYS BEEN! Telling you right now, you cross the line with me I'm gonna leave you lying where you stand.

CM Punk: Okay…alright I wouldn’t want you to take this nice suit off and fold it up and put it in your wife’s purse when obviously you keep your cell phone…as well as your balls.

(Kevin Nash punches CM Punk and Punk falls to the ground.)

(Triple H immediately gets Nash out of the ring and escorts him to the backstage area. Nash says that Punk was running his mouth and Triple H says that Nash can’t hit Punk. CM Punk sits in the ring and smiles.)