[Writer’s Note: The following events are fictional and did not really happen. If these events really did happen, then it was just a coincidence.]
Recently CM Punk attended an indy wrestling show in Berwyn, IL. A few days later I found out that the building where the show occurred is actually about 20 minutes from where I live and front row seats were only $15. Had I known this, I would have gone for sure. But how would I have found that out? I don’t know where CM Punk plans to go every day. So I decided to hire a guy who could get me inside information. This guy, whose real name I won’t reveal so I’ll just call him “Jimmy”, is a Master of Disguise and he is really great at getting information I normally wouldn’t have discovered. I have always wondered what happens after each episode of Monday Night Raw. It bothers me that the characters of RAW go away for six days after Monday and makes me wonder what is going on in-between each episode of RAW. So Jimmy’s first assignment was to find out how Triple H is handling his new job as the chairman of the WWE. Jimmy decided that the best way to do this was by disguising himself as Triple H’s limo driver. In an interesting turn of events, Vince McMahon approached him after this week’s RAW and gave him $1,000 to drive him back to the hotel the WWE was staying at. So Vince and Triple H ended up in the same limo after RAW and Jimmy was smart enough to install an audio recorder into the limo to record the whole conversation.
[On the recording you can hear the limo door open.]
Triple H: Vince what are you doing in here?
Vince McMahon: Oh hey Hunter. I needed a ride back to the hotel and I wanted to get a ride from this limo because this used to belong to me.
[Limo door closes]
Triple H: I didn’t even know you were at RAW tonight.
Vince: Why wouldn’t I be here? I may not be in charge anymore but I still want to know what is going on. So how do you like the job so far?
Triple H: It’s alright. I’ve just been very busy this week. It’s not an easy job.
[Limo engine starts]
Vince: I see you brought Jim Ross back.
Triple H: Yep. I know that bringing him back is a risk because of his health but the announce team needed to be improved.
Vince: And what about CM Punk? Is he re-signed?
Triple H: I am not allowed to discuss CM Punk’s contract status right now but hopefully by next week there will be an official announcement about Punk’s future with the WWE.
Vince: Well, it looks like you have done a lot of work so far. I think you’ll do just fine. Just watch out for the superstars. A lot of them will come up to you and demand to be in more matches or ask for more title shots. You really need to watch out for Zack Ryder. I saw that you gave him a match tonight. Zack used to come to me all the time and ask me when I was going to give him a match on RAW. I hate that guy. Did you know he has a lot of fans? And it’s all because he has a dumb show on YouTube. Hell, if that’s all it takes to become popular then I’m going to make a YouTube show too. I don’t know how to put videos on YouTube but that won’t be a problem. I’ll hire George Lucas to film the shows in the best HD quality possible. And I’ll get Michael Bay to direct the videos. I’ll add a lot of special effects and stuff like that. I will call it “Vince McMahon…The Greatest Man in the Universe Show”. My videos will become the greatest videos in the history of YouTube. All of my videos will get 100 million views in one day. I assume that after a few weeks, Hollywood is going to want to make a movie about me. But those dumb fools don’t know I already have my own movie production company which has produced the greatest action movie ever…”The Marine” and the funniest movie of 2011…”The Chaperone.” I’ll have WWE Studios make “Vince McMahon: The Movie” and it will break all box office records. Then I would imagine people would expect me to run for president of the United States but instead I will become ruler of the world and everyone will bow down to Vincent Kennedy McMahon!
Triple H: Vince who are you talking to?
Vince: I was talking to you.
Triple H: Oh you were? I’m sorry. I thought you were talking to your imaginary friends but I forgot...R-Truth is the one with imaginary friends. I was reading the Wall Street Journal on my iPad.
Vince: What? You didn’t hear anything I…wait…you can read the Wall Street Journal on an iPad?
Triple H: Yeah. You have an iPad right?
Vince: No actually I don’t.
Triple H: Really? I should buy you one for your birthday. So what were you saying?
Vince: Oh I was just saying that Zack Ryder has a YouTube show and I hate him and I should make my own YouTube show and some other stuff.
Triple H: You actually know what YouTube is?
Vince: Oh I love YouTube. I watch it all the time now that I’m not running the company anymore. I love those videos where they have those skateboard punks and they fall off their boards and break their legs.
Triple H: Really? That’s the videos you enjoy?
Vince: Oh and I really enjoy seeing videos of big guys fighting. I love watching big guys fighting.
Triple H: Okay that’s great. So what do you think I should do about Zack Ryder?
Vince: You need to stop giving him matches. If you give him more matches, then he will become more popular and then the fans will be angry when you release him when his contract expires.
Triple H: Who said I am going to release him? I know that’s what you were going to do but I just might give him a contract extension if I like what I see from him. The fans love him so I have no plans to release him right now.
Vince: Okay...do whatever you think is the best decision. You are going to be faced with many tough decisions. It can be a difficult job. Wow it is really taking us a long time to get back to the hotel. I think I’m going to take a nap.
Triple H: No please don’t do that.
Vince: But I’m old Hunter. I need my sleep. Just let me sleep for a few minutes. I’m so tired.
Triple H: Just hang in there pop. We’ll be at the hotel in about ten minutes.
Vince: But why won’t you let me sleep?
Triple H: Honestly? You snore and I need to make a phone call.
After that, Triple H’s phone started interfering with the audio recorder and the rest of the conversation could not be heard. So I learned that Vince hates Zack Ryder, wants to start a YouTube show, overrates his movies, thinks he can become ruler of the world, doesn’t have an IPad yet, and snores when he sleeps. That information is pretty much useless but nonetheless this was an interesting conversation and I’ll be sure to ask Jimmy to get me some more exclusive information about what happens after Monday Night RAW.
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